It's okay to wallow in self pity every once in a while right????

I am completely embarrassed to share this week's weigh in with you. I'm so disappointed in myself and there is really no one to blame but myself. But I planned on being honest so here it's goes....

Pounds lost this week: A gain of 3 pounds
Pounds lost since surgery: 59 pounds
Overall weight loss: 101 pounds

I gained three pounds this week. I'm horribly disapointed in myself and a little discouraged. It really is a horrible feeling to lose every week and then this. I didn't eat the cheeseburger that I wanted or the chicken lasagne in the cafeteria. I didn't eat even one of the Twizler bites in the community candy bowl.

I know this is completely normal to this kind of emotional reaction, but this week it's hit me especially hard. I've been pretty down and I'm having a hard time recovering from this. I miss food. I miss cheeseburgers and hot french fries with ketchup. I miss chocolate cake and ice cream. I miss quesdillas and chips and queso. I miss biscuits and gravy. I MISS STUFFED CRUST PEPPERONI PIZZA! The struggle is real. And believe I know I sound like a fat kid, but just try it. Try to restrict some of the foods that you absolutely love. It's not a walk in the park and I am truly struggling.

I also know that setbacks are completely normal. I just didn't expect it. And I know this is my fault. I'm only supposed to have beans two times a week and I've been craving refriend beans and indulging. I'm not supposed to have the sugar-free candies and I've indulged in that as well. Not gonna lie, I felt like I deserved it. We've been eating out where I'm not monitoring ingredients (like full fat butter, full fat cheeses, non-lean meats, etc...) I've not been going to the gym. I have excuses and that's what they are excuses. I'm too tired and giving work and church all of my focus. I'm letting my health slip and getting back into old habits.

So, you would think this would motivate me to get off my rear and exercise and I had plenty of intentions to get to water aerobics this evening. I'm just so exhausted and to top it off I ran out of vitamins. These are the special vitamins that I buy specifically from the doctor's office. Remember, these were life savers when I had all those issues with fainting. Don't worry about it, I have vitamins and a B12 supplement to get me through until I get back up there next week. They just aren't as effective at overcoming fatigue and giving me energy.

Obviously, tonight I need prayers more than anything. Prayers to get me out of this funk and back on track. This really is hard and while I am wallowing in self-pity, I need some encouragement and God's hand to pull me out of this. This is more than just the 3 pounds gain back. This is about how I'm starting to feel and about how hard this is truly becoming. Some of my dearest friends have told me that I haven't been acting the same. I'm really sorry. This is the reason why and I'm hoping it won't be long until I'm back to the positive, upbeat, Lucy.

Happy reading!