Moments with the Mullers: One Line

Moments with the Mullers: One Line: "One Line.... That's all it took this morning. One line. If you haven't already guessed it, I took a pregnancy test this morning. Negative. ..."

One Line

One Line....

That's all it took this morning. One line. If you haven't already guessed it, I took a pregnancy test this morning. Negative. Of course. I just don't understand how one little pink line can cause sooooo much hurt.

It's been a month since I posted. I thought I would wait to see if I could share good news. No such news.

I haven't lost hope, it just seems like all that temperature taking and graphing and medicine is wasted. Not only did I not get pregnant this month, I didn't even drop an egg.

Where does that leave me do you ask? Back to square 1.

That's right, I refilled my prescripted for Prometrium to get me back to day 1. Then I have to go back to the doctor for another ultrasound which is sooo exciting (not) and an increased dose of Clomid. My husband is sooo excited. Another round of mood swings and hot flashes. Hot flashes never affected me before, but this time, I could not get cool. I had fans and the a.c. down low, but nothing worked.

But I have faith. Faith in God. Faith in myself. Faith in my husband. Faith in my doctor and his wonderful nurse. True this is torturing me today, but I am not alone. God is always with me in every step of this journey, seriously He carries me through days like today.

And even though I am hurting now, I know the promises He has in store for me, and I know in the end, the when I hold my little baby girl or boy, all of this hurt will disappear.  Again, it's crazy the joy that can be found in two little pink lines. :)

For now I dwell on this verse:

"For I know the plans I have for you. declares the LORD, plans to prosper and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." ~Jeremiah 29:11

So, family, friends, fellow cysters, just please continue to pray for me, I need them everyday, but today more than others.

It's a new day....

Hello. My name is Lucy. I am 26 and very happily married to a wonderful man, Johnathan. We began our fairy tale life February 27, 2009 at Hillcrest Baptist Church in McAlester, OK. Not long after we were married, did we decide to try to start a family. We were so excited to begin the life God had planned for us. After about ten months of only one line on pregnancy tests, we decided to see a physician.

We first went to my gynecologist, and she did a lot of tests and concluded that I had Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS). The Medical definition for this is:

"Polycystic ovary syndrome is a condition in which there is an imbalance of a woman's female sex hormones. This hormone imbalance may cause changes in the menstrual cycle, skin changes, small cysts in the ovaries, trouble getting pregnant, and other problems" provided by Public Health.gov

There is no cure for this disease, and it is a real disease.

Devasted we chose to continue with treatment. Our doctor prescribed us Avandia to help with the homorone imbalance and Clomiphene to help induce ovulation so that I could get pregnant. Also, every month, I had to take several lab tests that my insurance didn't cover.

Mentally and financially exhausted, we gave up on treatment. I was heartbroken and depressed. Plus, it seemed everyone, including Johnathan's sister and one of my best friends, were all getting pregnant. It was like they were all members of a club, and I was only invited to bring gifts and provide support. Don't get me wrong I love all of the babies that were born very much and was very excited for each one of my friends. I wouldn't change a thing about them. Nevertheless, I still hurt. I was angry and confused.

Before Christmas in 2010, Johnathan and I had decided to start trying again. We made an appointment with a Reproductive Endocrynologist who specializes in fertility treatment on women with PCOS. I had never been more nervous in my life. I didn't know what to expect and read mixed reviews via the internet.

In March it was time for our appointment, and even though I experienced a small meltdown when I learned my insurance wouldn't cover a dime of anything, it was wonderful. The doctor was the most caring and easy to understand and answered all my questions. I learned so many things about PCOS. Including, that one of the reasons I have a hard time losing weight is because of PCOS.

He prescribed some meds and told me to come back in a month.

Today, was the month. He had to check to make sure I didn't have any large cysts so we can continue with Fertility treatments. I didn't have any large cysts. The lining on my uterus was a little thick, but other than that everything was normal. He prescribed me fertility pills and now I have to monitor my temperature in the mornings.

Johnathan and I are so excited on this journey. We are so ready for God to bless us with a baby. I know we will be both me great parents. When people ask what God's plan is for you, I know from the very bottom of my heart, that God has it in His plan for Johnathan and I to have a baby.

Don't get me wrong, I am excited about the medicine and treatment, but I know nothing is going to happen until God is ready for it to happen. Medicine or not, it has to be on His time table. And I trust that God will provide.

I think about the women in the Bible who prayed for babies: Sarah (Sarai), Rebecca, Rachel, Hannah (etc..), and with prayer and a little patience, God provides. God will provide for me.

Every morning I receive a daily Bible verse from Biblegateway.com. This morning it was

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." ~Phillipians 4:6-7

God knew exactly what I needed which was not to be worried about the ultrasound this afternoon or fertility treatment after.

I decided to share this for all of my friends, personal and such that also have this disease which is physically and mentally and spiritually exhausting.

My advice to keep the faith. And for those who have been praying for Johnathan and I keep them coming, we need them. Thank you for your support.

I will try and update soon

God bless you!