Week One Journal: A new life!

Let me just preface this by saying, I am journaling during the week and then will post on Saturday or Sunday. I am back on Weight Watchers and a normal gym routine. I'm really working hard at this. I want....no need...a lifestyle change. I will not tell you how much I weigh until I reach my very last goal. I will tell you that I have a goal of eating 51 points a day with 49 weekly points so that if I go over it will not completely wreck the points. I also have an activity goal of 16 points a week. I do not count points two days a week. I do this for two reasons: #1: Right Now I don't ever reach my daily points nor do I touch my weekly points. #2: If I counted points and measured food all the time, I would go crazy and this wouldn't work. I'm not advocating going crazy on my two days off, I just feel I need a vacation. I'm not asking for sympathy, I just want prayers, encouragement and accountability. If you notice I haven't blogged in awhile, message me and get me back on track. Thanks guys and gals and I love you all very much:

WEEK ONE SUMMARY:
Days went over daily point goal: 0
Activity Goal Met: YES
Pounds Lost: 4
Pounds to go before 1st goal: 6

I'm doing good so far: Below is my daily journal for week one in case you need ideas for your own lifestyle change. Thanks again everyone!

Day 1: April 16, 2012

It’s been a rough day. The first day of a diet is always pretty rough. I have created a Rewards Chart. The first reward is at 10 pounds which is a $50 hasting shopping spree! So that’s what I’m working on now and it all started today! I did okay until about noon and my tummy started howling like a my dog Ginger when she wants to come in at night. I did eat breakfast, but skipped my morning snack. I made up my morning snack at lunch since I felt famished. Then I ate a snack in the afternoon. Johnathan and I decided to head to the gym strait after work rather than wait until the afternoon. This is a G-REAT decision. Because once we once we were done, it was over. We came home and I started cooking dinner because of course I was starving. So. While I was waiting on the extra-lean pork tenderloin to reach 160 degrees, Johnathan decided to snack on some chips. Until I flipped out on him, and then felt bad. I forgot how mean I can get when I am starving. So, Johnathan slowly and calmly put down the chips with a good sport attitude while dinner finished. Now, I’m sitting around watching Happy Feet Two and I have 21 points left for the day! So, if I get hungry later, I can eat some chips and salsa for a late night snack! Below is my point chart!


Meal Meal Name Points
Breakfast Peanut Butter & Oats Fiber one Bar 1 bar 2 points
Lunch Smart Ones Frozen Entrée 6 points
Applesauce 1 cup 2 points
Smart Ones Brownie Fudge Sundae 1 cup 4 points
Afternoon Snack Sugar Free Caramel Snack Pack 1 cup 2 points
Dinner 6 oz Extra-Lean Pork Tenderloin 6 points
Uncle Ben’s Ready Rice Long Grain and Wild ½ cup 5 points
Light Red Kidney Beans ¾ cup 4 points
Total: 29 points
Points Left over 21 points
Activity 30 minutes on the Treadmill 4 points






















Day 2: April 17, 2012

Well, since we went to bed at 8:45 pm last night, it was only natural that I wake up at midnight starving right?? Well, no…and it sucked…but thankfully I was able to go to sleep and other than that I slept pretty darn good. My legs were sore when I got up, but it’s that good kind of sore right? Anyways, breakfast went good and I had time for a snack today. But, when noon it, my stomach started rumbling again like thunder on a stormy Oklahoma spring night. J Amber (my new friend and coworker) and I had lunch in the break room. She offered buy me lunch from The Whistle Stop Bistro and you have no idea how badly I wanted a Chicken Salad Sandwich on a croissant and some potato salad. But, I stayed strong and ate my Smart Ones Steak Panini, 12 tortilla chips and 1/3 cup of salsa and smart one key lime pie dessert. I’ve made it known in my office I’m dieting again and I love how everyone in my office is so encouraging. I can do this. Look out Hastings I could be there soon! So we were pretty busy at work and I didn’t get my snack until almost time to get home, but it was worth the wait. Then, after work, Johnathan and I headed to the Wellness Center for water aerobics. After three months off, it kicked my tail. I was huffing and puffing and I’m so sore right now. We made a trek to the dreaded Wal Mart where I got some fruit and veggies and pickles all zero point items! So I can snack and not feel guilty about it. Then, we came home and ate and I discovered a quick low point dessert to satisfy cravings. 1 Shortcake (store bought like strawberry shortcakes) and½ cup of canned peaches. It’s only 5 points and super yummy! Anyways, it felt a little easier today….and while I know it won’t last long…I’m riding this feeling out until I get mean again! OH, and I started taking my Metformin again today. Sorry, Dr. Reshef and Beverly, but I’ve been too upset to continue taking it, but I’m starting to get back on track and that includes medications! Pray for me!


Food Journal:
Meal Meal Name Points
Breakfast Peanut Butter & Oats Fiber one Bar 1 bar 2 points
Morning Snack Applesauce 1 cup 1 point
Lunch Smart Ones Frozen Entrée 8 points
12 tortilla chips 4 points
1/3 c. salsa 1 points
Smart Ones Frozen Key Lime Pie Dessert 4 points
Afternoon Snack Sugar Free Chocolate Snack Pack 1 cup 2 points
Evening Snack Banana 0 points
Dinner 1 Rosemary Chicken Breast 6 points
1/3 Tbsp EVOO 1 points
1 small baked potato 5 points
2 Tbsp Low Fat Sour Cream 2 points
1/3 C. Weight Watchers Shredded Cheese 2 points
1 Store bought shortcake 2 points
½ C. Canned Peaches in Extra Light Syrup 3 points
TOTAL: 43 points
Points Left Over: 8 points
Activity Water Aerobics -- 60 Minutes 9 points
WEEKLY ACTIVITY TOTAL: 13 points


Day 3:

Today went really well. I woke up and got ready for work. It was a busy which means that I usually forget about food. I did forget about morning and afternoon snacks, but made them up. I also called and got my prescription for Prometrium to restart my cycle which means FUN FUN FUN for Johnathan and I…… Anyways, after work, I had a pickle and a banana so that I would be able to fend off the hunger monster while at church. Nana cooked hotdogs…..fried hotdogs…..it was so hard to resist….but, I did it! I saved up enough points to have two Double Cheeseburgers from McDonalds and it was worth it! We didn’t go to the gym, because on Wednesday after church I am exhausted…so back to the gym tomorrow!


Food Journal:
Meal Meal Name Points
Breakfast Peanut Butter & Oats Fiber one Bar 1 bar 2 points
Banana 0 points
Lunch Healthy Choice Frozen Entrée 5 points
Grapefruit 0 points
Smart Ones Frozen Key Lime Pie Dessert 4 points
Afternoon Snack Sugar Free Chocolate Snack Pack 1 cup 2 points
Evening Snack Banana 0 points
Pickle 0 points
Dinner 2 McDonalds Double Cheeseburgers 23 points
½ C. Pineapple in juice 2 points
TOTAL: 38 points
Points Left Over: 13 points
Activity NONE 0 points
WEEKLY ACTIVITY TOTAL: 13 points

Day 4 April 19, 2012

Today was another day that started at 3:00 a.m. Since I started the Metformin, my body has to get used to it once again, which is also no fun. I hate having stomach issues. I was also an emotional day. I just started crying twice today and I really cannot tell you why. I hate that too. I forgot my breakfast bar, so I had so spend a little extra on a Nature Valley bar, but it was well worth it. Anyways, it was busy today at work which again makes you forget about being hungry. Today was a watermelon day. I had watermelon at lunch and at dinner and it was pretty good. After work, Johnathan and I went to water aerobics. There was more focus on strength training and that included 100 push ups. It was hard, but worth it. I feel better about myself for working so hard and trying so hard. I’ve also been thinking about doing a before picture and taking one every time I meet a goal in the same outfit. But I don’t know. I’m pretty embarrassed about how I look now. Sometimes, I just want to feel like I’m beautiful. But, I’m working and praying and that’s all I can do!


Food Journal:
Meal Meal Name Points
Breakfast Nature Valley Dark Chocolate and Nut Bar 4 points
Banana 0 points
Lunch Smart Ones Frozen Entrée 6 points
1 C. Watermelon 0 points
Smart Ones Frozen Key Lime Pie Dessert 4 points
Afternoon Snack Sugar Free Caramel Snack Pack 1 cup 2 points
Dinner 1 C. 95% Lean Ground Beef with Taco Seasoning 9 points
1/3 C. Weight Watchers Shredded Cheese 2 points
2 Medium Flour Tortillas 5 points
½ C. Fat Free Refried Beans 2 points
1 c. Watermelon 0 points
1 shortcake 2 points
TOTAL: 36 points
Points Left Over: 15 points
Activity Water Aerobics 9 points
WEEKLY ACTIVITY TOTAL: 22 points



Day 5: April 20, 2012

Another day that started at roughly 3:00 a.m. I NEED SLEEP. I just can’t sleep which makes me hungry all the time and super emotional. All I’ve done is choke back tears and I really cannot tell you why. Anyways, work went really well because it takes my mind off of everything and I really enjoy my work and coworkers, especially Marge who makes me feel so much better! After work, we hit the gym and I really pushed myself. I walked on the treadmill for 39 minutes and did 2 on the elliptical before I stopped. I know it doesn’t seem like much, but when you are out of shape 15 minutes seems like an hour. But I feel better and I’m hoping I’ll stick with it this time. I just need prayers and encouragement; hence why I’m writing this journal/blog.




Food Journal:
Meal Meal Name Points
Breakfast Peanut Butter and Oats Fiber One Bar 2 points
Banana 0 points
Lunch Smart Ones Frozen Entrée 7 points
1 c. peaches in artificially sweetened water 0 points
Smart Ones Frozen Key Lime Pie Dessert 4 points
Afternoon Snack Sugar Free Caramel Snack Pack 1 cup 2 points
Dinner 8 oz Lean Steak 7 points
1 small baked potato 5 points
1/3 C. Weight Watchers Shredded Cheese 2 points
½ C. Light Red Kidney Beans 2 points
2 Tbsp Reduced Fat Sour Cream 2 points
TOTAL: 33 points
Points Left Over: 18 points
Activity 39 Minutes Treadmill Walking between <3mph and 5mph 6 points
2 minutes Elliptical Training 1 point
WEEKLY ACTIVITY TOTAL: 29 points

Tests have never been the best for me....

March Madness! I love the month of March. It's my birthday month. It's my brother's birthday month. It's the month we celebrate my heritage. It's the first day of Spring. It's March Madness. March is a great month. And up until today, this year is no exception.

The last time that I wrote, I had started my cycle on my own and began charting my temperature. Well, it seemed that my temperature spiked and that indicates ovulation. So the next thing to do was to wait it out and take a test.

Tests have never worked out for me. I was a straight A student in school and worked my rear off to keep it that. However, I always panicked and stressed out when it came to taking a test. Today was pregnancy test day. I will never understand how much one little line can bring so much pain. It was negative and there is no sign of my "monthly bill."

I'm trying not to let it get to today. I spent the day at church and at Nana's with my family. I don't know where I'm going from here, but things need to change. I don't know how or where I'm going to get the strength, but I'm just going to have to push through it and lean on my God and my family for support.

It's going to happen someday, I just have to be strong and courageous and wait for God to move.

Thank you again for all the prayers and support. God bless you all.

Even the smallest of good news is still good news!

So, this weekend was one of the best weekends I've had in a long time! I'm just going to warn you like before, this blog can contain TMI.

I started my cycle on my own! I'm pretty sure I don't know very many girls who celebrate a "monthly bill," but I always get so excited! It means my body worked the way it should last month and that I was that much closer to getting what my heart desires!

So, the minute it turned 8:00, I called the doctor and the first question she asked about was weight loss. No, I haven't lost anymore and Beverly said that Dr. Reshef would like for me to see if I do it again next month without any medicine. Sounds good to me! My hopes aren't up, but I am proud of myself. Beverly asked what we are doing differently, and honestly the only thing that is different is that my new position is so much less stress. I'm not stressing out every day. Beverly said that actually makes a huge difference and that I should learn to stress less. "Let Go and Let God." It's so much easier to type those five words than it is to actually live it, but I am seriously trying.

So, we are going on our annual anniversary trip and going to enjoy ourselves and then when we come home, it's going to be boot camp and weight watchers to get back on track! I will definetly need prayers and encouragement....

But for now, we are going to get ready for our little mini vacation in the cabin by the lake in the hot tub! Be jealous! And watch Facebook for pictures of the cutest couple in the world: Mr. and Mrs. Johnathan & Lucy Muller :)

We are also going to praise God because what this month proves more than anything is that with God all things are possible!

God Bless You All! And Thanks for stopping by!!!

Who knew a Facebook Share Could be so Powerful?

I haven't written in a while and was suddenly inspired to tonight.

Wednesday nights are so very hard for me, because of my classroom at church. I have one student who has some serious behaviorial issues that no one not even my Nana or Papa can control. I get so stressed out and frustrated that the task at hand (teaching a Bible lesson) becomes a circus.

Tonight was no different. It was crazy and kids don't listen. I came home with a huge headache and so very stressed out. So, I realize I need to post for school and I had a notice that Dr. Reshef had posted a new video.

<script type='text/javascript' src='http://www.news9.com/global/video/videoplayer.js?rnd=278502;hostDomain=www.news9.com;playerWidth=664;playerHeight=400;isShowIcon=true;clipId=6736781;flvUri=;partnerclipid=;adTag=Sales%2520-%2520WorldNow%252033;advertisingZone=;enableAds=true;landingPage=;islandingPageoverride=false;playerType=STANDARD_EMBEDDEDscript;controlsType=overlay'></script>

if that doesn't work....here is the link.....
http://www.news9.com/category/116601/video-page?autoStart=true&topVideoCatNo=default&clipId=6736781

Anyways, it is about an Oklahoma Weather girl who is battling infertility. I have people who put me down all of the time for battling infertility and PCOS publically since socially, some of the things I blog about is inapproprate to talk about. My answer to that is: Don't read my blog, then.

Anyway, Dr. Reshef is truly amazing and in this video you can really see his compassion and love for his patients. In a way, he has given me the tiniest bit of hope by just posting that video.

 Since my last blog, I haven't been dieting or going to the gym. No matter how positive I tried to stay, I couldn't focus. I am so angry that I have to face this and that some of my loved ones have to face this. I am angry that I feel empty and ugly and unwomanly. I am angry that I have to work so hard to lose weight and that my hair is falling out and that I have hair where most women don't have hair. I am angry my arms go empty while literally millions of children are being abused and/or neglected while you are reading this blog. It's not fair.

However, life is not fair. I was not promised a fair life. This video showed me that with a little more hard work and hope and prayer miracles can happen. It also reassured me that I am not alone. I know so many of you are reading this and experiencing the same hurt and anger and confusion that I am and I hope you know you are not alone and I am always here if you need someone to talk/vent/cry to.

My plan is to get back on track with everything that Dr. Reshef has recommended and to get my spiritual life back on track by daily reading and searching for God's plan for my life.

Thank you all for being my sound board, and though I am not sure Dr. Reshef can or is reading this, I really want to thank him for uploading that video on Integris Henry Bennet Fertility Center website.

God bless you all!

In Dire need of encouragment....

So the good new is that we got the internet back! So, I can officially update this blog!

I hope everyone had a fantabulous New Years!

Well, 2012 has not started off the way we had hoped. The last I had written you I had that follicle test that predicted that ovulation for this cycle was unlikely and just as Beverly predicited, I did not ovulate. I waited the 40 days to call Beverly. I did not take a pregnancy test. I knew there would be no point. I can tell by my temperature chart that I did not ovulate. I hate having to call the doctor when I didn't ovulate. It is almost never good news and I usually end up in tears. Well, this time was no different. Beverly gave me three options: #1: A Whiffle Ball Procedure. #2: The fertility shots and #3: Take some time off and focus on weight loss.

I wanted to go with option #1. The whiffle ball procedure has a 70% success rate; however, my insurance will not cover this procedure. And it is just as much as having IVF...so anywhere between $11,000 and $17,000. And seeing that I don't have $17,000 just lying around, that option is not an option.

Option #2 is the same way. Insurance will not cover the shots and since they are now FDA approved to do something, pharmaceutical companies have uped the price from $20 a shot to hundreds of dollars a shot so this shot remedy can cost $2000 a month. So, this options is also not an option.

So that leaves us with option #3 which is what we will be going with. Taking time off to focus on weight loss. I am devasted. I feel like nothing that I've done so far is worth anything and that no matter how hard I'm working, it's not going to happen.

I'm really discouraged and I don't really know what to do next. I even have a hard time making it to water aerobics and counting weight watcher points because I'm not really sure what the point is. Beverly assures me that once I loose weight, there will be a threshold that will be broken and I will ovulate. But, how much more? How much longer? How long will my arms be empty?

Johnathan and I have some decisions and prayer and searching for God. I really need strength and it has to be God's strength because I'm not sure how much I have left in me.

I wish I could give you better news. Right now, I just need some encouragement and prayers and motivation.

Again, thank you all for reading my blog and for your prayers and thoughts and love.

God bless you!