How do you fix a broken record?

Yes, it is time for another doctor update! I can feel your excitement...

Well since last blog, I should have started my cycle. I was prescribed Prometrium to start my cycle. This stuff usually works miracles; however, this time, it did nothing at all. So I called Beverly who told me to wait a week. Last Thursday, was that week. I called and left a message. As usual, Beverly, calls me right back. She tells me that Dr. Reshef wants me to come and let him take a look at things. I choke through setting up an appointment. I'm at work and trying my hardest not to cry. Then, the lullaby they play when a baby is born plays and I lose it. I have some great friends at work, especially, Jeri Santine and Stephanie Shepphard and let me cry it out on their shoulders. I was ready to give it up. Sometimes, this inferitlity thing is so very hard. I have a hard time and I am starting to loose sleep. I didn't tell Dr. Reshef this or Beverly. I should have though.....

Anyways, I got through work and then came home. I went to take Johnathan dinner at work and when I went to leave, my Trailblazer wouldn't start. Another 20 minute meltdown...... I am lucky to have a husband that loves me and is always there for me. It's just so hard to keep going and get the same results. Like a broken record. To make me feel better, Friday night he took me on a date night to help keep my chin up. I have to admit it worked. I felt adored and wanted and not so empty. I have one amazing husband.

So this morning, we headed up to OKC. I've been reading The Hunger Games series and I'm on the last one "Mockingjay." The book helped keep my mind off of things. I love my doctor and his nurse, but I hate these visits. I hate the ultrasounds. They are not the most comfortable and almost the whole time I am with the doctor, I am half naked. Needless to say, my mind is almost never on the subject. Today the office was really cold....I couldn't wait to get out of there.

Anyways, I got the same results....lining is still thick and no signs of ovulation. I can't even describe to you what I felt....disappointed, empty, un-womanlike, deformed, ugly... His plan is to try ONE more time; this time doing something is rarely does which is to up my does of Clomid one last time and we can try again to ovulate. If this does not work, I have three options.

Option #1: Have surgery to scrape the lining. This will also help prevent uterian cancer later on down the line; however, it may or may not help me to ovulate.

Option #2: The fertility shots. He said out of pocket, these shots can cost up to $2000 a month.

Option #3: Take some time off from fertility therapy and focus on weight loss and excercise. Beverly said as little as 30 or 40 pounds can make a difference.

I really had to work to not cry in front of them. It's really hard to stay strong in the moments like this. The only way I can stay strong is through God. So I just smiled and said I would do my best and then we left. In the car, I cried silently while Johnathan asked me what I wanted to do. The truth is I don't know. I know we can't afford the fertility shots, and I'm not too keen on surgery or extreme weight loss measures. So for now, I am just going to continue with Weight Watchers and maybe buy a treadmill and try that out and take the Clomid and PRAY that God will let me ovulate and become pregnant.

Hannah prayed for God to remember her. I pray that all the time for God to please remember me when he is giving out the gift of life every day. It's hard. I can understand how Hannah prayed so hard that Eli thought that she was drunk. But, honestly, prayer and God is really my only hope and it's the kind of hope that is promised which is that God will hear my prayers. He may not answer them as fast as I want Him to, but I know he hears them.

Well, that's all I got for now. Johnathan and I appreciate your prayers and support and we really hope that  those who are experiencing the same things are gaining the information she needs and maybe even givng you a little confidence. We may not know who all of you are, but are you are in our prayers too.

Thank you!

God bless you!

My God is so BIG so STRONG and so MIGHTY there's NOTHING my God cannot do!!!

Great news friends......I got the call today about my biopsy results.....Benign!!! No signs of any cancer or pre-cancerous cells! I started cyring! I was so happy! God is so wonderful!

Beverly, our amazing nurse, delivered the wonderful news. She said she knew all along the results would turn out this way!. She said the doctor felt like this too since the lining had already thinned by 5 mm.

So, now we are back on the plan. The let's get pregnant plan. So, I refilled my Prometrium prescription that starts my cycle and she called in Clomid since it worked before. I am back on weight watchers and pre-natal vitamins! I want to start excersing again. I want this so bad! I know what I have to do to get it. Be patient, have faith, and keep trying to stay healthy. So that's just what we are going to do.

I am going to be patient and keep in mind that this is on God's time, not mine. He knows what is best for me.

I am going to have faith. I know in the bottom of my heart God has planned for me to be a mother. I just have to have faith that God will keep His promises. And He does. He always keeps His promises. He is the one thing steady in this life that does: Always.

I am going to try my best to stay healthy. I want to cut out white breads, pastas, etc.. and potatoes and refined sugar. Sticking only to complex carbs, diary, protein and fiber. I also want  to start walking again. It's going to be hard, but worth it in the end. I also need to stay on my pre-natal vitamins!

I can't help but praise my Maker! The title of this blog entry is a children's song, but rings so true. My God is so BIG! More than you or I can imagine! My God is so STRONG and so MIGHTY! He's the strongest force in the whole entire universe! He can take care of anything and defeat anything. You can lean on Him for support for anything! There's NOTHING my God cannot do! How true is this? He created the world, parted the sea, had a 90 year old woman give birth....there is nothing my God cannot do....including giving me a baby against all the odds!

Thank you all so much for your prayers and for your support. You have no idea how much it means to Johnathan and I. We really appreciate all the support and prayers and kind words. They really have helped. Continue praying for us through this journey!

We love you all and God bless you!