I knew yesterday was going to end up a bad day.......
My first alarm went off at 5:30 a.m. Johnathan rolls over and says to me, "What time do we have to leave?" I said 7:30 and went back to sleep. The next thing I know Johnathan is gently waking me up and saying, "Babe. It's 7:30. It's time to get up." I jump up and calmly explain (yeah, right) that we should be getting in the car! We rush around and are finally in the car at 7:55 a.m. My appointment is at 10:30 a.m. It usually only takes about 2 1/2 hours to get to Integris Baptist in OKC, but you never know if you will be delayed because of car accidents, construction or traffic. Because of the rain, we only had problems with the first.
We made it on time. We got there, checked in, paid, and waited for Beverly to call my name. Dr. Reshef is on holiday. I'm okay with that. He deserves it. I'm kind of wondering; however, if Beverly ever gets a holiday... Anyways, Beverly takes me back to the table....
Good news!: I have lost 5% of my total body weight and 1 1/2 inches! I have really been working hard on my weight watchers: counting the points and 4 days of the gym. 2 are water aerobics days (because it's cardio AND strength traning) and then 2 days of treadmill and elipitical (a.k.a the Devil Machine). I really really want this and again, this is not killing me only making me feel and look better and ultimately helping become healthier. Also, the lining on my uterus is at a completely normal level for the day of the cycle I was on! Which is GREAT news!
Now on to the bad news..... A follicle test is an extremely uncomfortable ultrasound. I could literally feel her searching for my ovaries. She found my right ovary, no problem; however, she did not find a dominating follicle. A dominating follicle is necessary to produce ovulation. So in lay terms, I am not going to ovulate out of my right ovary any time soon. Then, the search was on for the left ovary. Did you know that your ovaries can move around. I did not. I thought everything had a perfect place in the body. Boy, was I wrong, because Beverly had the hardest time finding that sucker and it hurt. I could feel the ultrasound stick (not sure if that is the right term, but I don't care), literally hitting my uterus! Anyways, she never really was 100% on finding the left ovary which left her nothing but to assume I wouldn't ovulate out of it either. She offered to go and get Dr. Reshef's partner, Dr. Kallenburger, but I declined for two reasons: #1: I was ready to get out of those stirrups. #2: If Beverly was wrong (highly doubtful) then I would ovulate and possible become pregnant.
Beverly sat down and told me to go ahead and continue to temperature chart. This was just Day #17 and I could ovulate as late as day #26. If I did ovulate next week, the follicles wouldn't be ready just yet and she couldn't tell by the ultrasound. If I still did not ovulate I have three options: #1: the fertility shots which are expensive so I doubt we are going to go with that. #2: Laparoscopic Ovarian Surgery also known as the Whiffle Ball procedure. It is where they burn (scary word, I know) small holes into the male hormone producing part of my ovary to help induce ovulation. There are several drawbacks to this. A. I don't know for sure about insurance coverage on this procedure and it will be for sure after the new year when this is done...so hello deductable. B. It will take 3 or 4 days (according to the internet) of recovery time. C. I am sure this is painful. D. It can produce multi-ovualtory reactions meaning multiple births. I am okay with twins and possibly triplets, but not sure about any more. Plus Beverly said that if it produces too many eggs, they will just cancel the cycle. However, the success rates for this is 70%. I can't dismiss a sucess rate of 70%..... And finally #3: Take a few months off and continue with weight loss and excercise, but obviously it works part of the time. After the few months, we will continue with Clomid medication (because I love the mood swings and hot flashes).
Beverly could tell that I was getting discouraged and on the verge of tears. This is so very hard. There is nothing in the world that I want more than to have a baby and to give my husband the best possible gift in the world: to be a daddy. And he is going to be so very good at it. You should see him with the kids at church: He is wonderful. Anyways, as I was chocking back the tears, trying to be strong, Beverly told me to not get discouraged. She said that discouragement will just lead me astray on this 5% weight loss endeavor. She assured me that it will happen and that I am still young. I am only 26 and have plenty of "child bearing" years ahead of me. She always hugs me and tells me she is proud of me. She is an amazing woman. She helped keep my spirits up. She wished me a Merry Christmas and made me promise not to get discouraged.
I'm not going to lie. I am a little discouraged. Every time I go for an ultrasound, I pray that I've misread something and there is a tiny baby on the ultrasound screen. This really hurts. What makes it worse is the kids at church who don't have parents who want them or the people in the news who are harming their children. I want it so badly that i become angry at those people because they do not cherish this precious gift that God gives to them.
As I promised I would not be discouraged, I went to water aerobics last night and I am planning on returning tonight for what Melissa calls "Water Aerobics Boot Camp." I also found these verses to help me get over it. I have to keep in mind that this is God's time and not my own. He is the one that is going to make this work, not Beverly or Dr. Reshef or the medicine or procedures or even myself. It is the Almighty in whom my heart belongs!
I think you should pen a book about this journey. It will be very inspiring. My prayers are with you.
ReplyDeleteSarah was 90 years old when her and Abraham were blessed with a child. I have enough faith to know that someone as good as you are will be blessed as well! Merry Christmas!
ReplyDelete