We made it to the 2nd Trimester!

Hooray! While we aren't completely out of the woods yet, but we are definitely over the first hump of pregnancy.

This week our little Poppyseed is the size of a lemon. Now, I will tell you that we went to WalMart and I measured the difference between a peach and a lemon. While there's not much, you can see a difference. Poppyseed is approximately 3.4 inches and weighs about 1.5 ounces. We have a thumb sucker! Well, we don't know for sure, but this is one of the items that the baby can accomplish this week. This week the kidneys are producing urine and the liver and spleen are also doing what they are supposed to do too! The baby is also growing lanugo. Lanugo is a thin, peach like fuzz, or hair all over the body. This helps keep the baby warm since we haven't been putting on too much fat just yet. Again, the baby is growing! And that's all that really matters!

So, last week, I was a little obsessed with worrying about the baby. I have a great team behind me and we overcame those fears!

This week for me my worry has been the thickening waistline. I know that I should not be obsessing about my weight, but I've come a long way. I started this journey wearing a size 28 jeans. A few weeks ago, I could easily zip up a size 12 and look fabulous in them. This week, I can still zip them up, but they are starting to get uncomfortable around the belly. I cried. This is so hard to do a complete 180 to think about weight. Another problem is that I don't have a bump yet....just a thickening waist line. I have gained just one pound. But still the pants are getting super tight. Explain this to me.

Look at the difference! Don't mind the exhausted look....I had a tired day on Sunday!

11 Weeks!

 13 Weeks!

I did order my first pair of maternity pants. I tried a pair on at Motherhood and they were pretty comfy and I feel okay wearing them without the girdle. So, we are gonna give that a try.

On the plus size, we have started getting ready for baby at the house. We've decided to rip up the carpet in the living room and replace with a wood laminate. We are also going to put new carpet in the nursery. We are also getting rid of some of Johnathan's bachelor items (like the 5ft speakers and sound system and love seat) and get some furniture that has a hideaway bed so we can have people come stay when Poppyseed is born. Since we are getting rid of the guest room bed, we gotta have someone to put the Grandmas!

So, prayers for this week are that Poppyseed just keeps on growing and that this pregnancy stays smooth! Next week, I'll have an OB appointment update for you so pray that goes well!

I know I say this alot, but thank you so much for your support and prayers. You guys are what makes this seem easy, because without your encouragement, advice and prayers, I would be so lost!

Moments with the Mullers: If Google could shut down for the next six months....

Moments with the Mullers: If Google could shut down for the next six months....: So, it's the last week of my first trimester!! That means it should be smooth sailing for the next three months until we hit the third, ...

If Google could shut down for the next six months...That'd be great

So, it's the last week of my first trimester!! That means it should be smooth sailing for the next three months until we hit the third, but again every pregnancy is a little different.

This week Poppyseed is the size of a Georgia peach. At 2.9 inches long, the baby weighs almost an ounce! This week teeth and vocal cords are forming. I'm so excited about hearing that first cry!! Did you know Poppyseed already has fingerprints?! The intestines are moving from the umbilical cord to the tummy! Now, the head is just 1/3 the size of the body making the baby to look more baby like. The point is that the baby is growing growing growing!

So, what's changed? I don't have as much nauseousness, except at night after I have had the dreaded vitamin regimen. I honestly LOATHE those six vitamins a night that I have to take. The prenatal smells like fish and I can taste it afterwards. The BComplex smells like stale popcorn in a smelly shoe. It's gross. I HATE vitamin time. Hate it.

I've been having bouts of dizziness. It usually happens at WalMart. Dizziness is completely normal. But I'm not gonna lie, I panic when I get the feeling that I'm about to pass out because it's not always easy to find somewhere to go and sit down until the time passes. Headaches are here as well. These aren't very fun, but I honestly don't miss being sick in the mornings.

The most embarrassing new things is the need to pee and the fact that I didn't make it to the restroom. Soooooo, we had to go to Tulsa so that I could take a test. I get there and their restrooms are out of order. This was a three hour test FYI. So, I did what I had to do. I held it. After the test, we headed to the mall. I wanted to look at some maternity clothes. I mad dashed to the restroom, only to barely miss it. I've never been so embarrassed in my life. Since God gave me the good sense to prepare for moments like these, it wasn't that big of a deal, but still embarrassing. Lesson learned here kids. My bladder is not the same nor will it ever be.

The scariest thing this week was I woke up to a little spotting. (Insert freaking out here.) I'm still scared about this. We called and received medical advice that this is completely normal, but I am freaking out. It didn't help that I Googled today "Can you have a miscarriage and not know it?" The answer is Yes, yes you can. Did this console me? Absolutely not. I am more scared now than I have been this whole time. The problem is that we've been so used to seeing and hearing our little miracle every two weeks that I'm starting to get a little anxious because it's been three weeks since we've seen or heard the baby. A LOT can happen in two weeks. I've Googled it and there are so many scary stories out there. Plus, we have to wait two more weeks for a doctor's appointment and seven more weeks until an ultrasound. I know that this anxiousness is normal, but I honestly have not slept since Saturday. I just have a bad feeling. No joke, I am so scared that something is wrong. So, if Google could just shut down for the next six months or even two weeks, that would be great.

The main thing that I need prayer for this week is for peace. I know it's not healthy all this worrying and I know all this worrying is not helping anything. But, it's not easy not to worry. We've been praying for this for so long that I'm just concerned that it's been too easy so far to be true. So, remember me this week in prayers and Johnathan too because when I freak out like this, he worries double because he feels helpless. I'm really trying to focus on Philippians 4:6-7 "Do not worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. 7 Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus." So, just pray that I can concentrate on this an not panic so much. Also, keep praying for my little Poppyseed that he or she keeps growing and is safe.

Moments with the Mullers: 12 Weeks!!

Moments with the Mullers: 12 Weeks!!: Well, we officially made it to 12 weeks. Websites and books tell me that now that we've reached 12 weeks and seen the heartbeat, we have...

12 Weeks!!

Well, we officially made it to 12 weeks. Websites and books tell me that now that we've reached 12 weeks and seen the heartbeat, we have less than a 5% chance of a miscarriage!

Poppyseed is the size of a large plum. I have not gone to WalMart and lovingly held a plum like I did the lime. Poppyseed is about 2 inches and weighs half an ounce. Most of the critical systems are fully formed! Next up is the growth and maturation stage which organs and tissues will grow and develop rapidly. If I poke my belly, the baby will likely move (even though I won't feel it) because reflexes are developing. The baby is also practicing opening and closing the fingers and curling the toes! Baby is growing, growing, growing!

I always thought that when people said that pregnant women craved pickles and ice cream that it's a big joke. It's not a joke. Pickles are definitely a staple in the Muller household. But I do have a specific kind. I like Claussen dills that are sandwich sliced. They are SOOOOOOO flippin' delicious! I also like them with a side of a sharp cheddar wedge. This child is already picky. I also like ice cream. My new favorite is Blue Bonnet Pistacio Almond. Soooo good. Yep, I've already had my pickles and cheese and will eat a little ice cream to go with the dreaded nightly vitamin regimen (the ice cream helps it go down, at least that is what I justify ice cream every night).

Soooooooo, I've also lost another two pounds which means I'm done a total of 5 since my first appointment. He wants me to at least be up 1 pound by February 16th at 15 weeks. I'm really trying. I'm eating all the bad foods, cupcakes, chips, chex mix, ice cream (see above) and nothing is working. I'm not going to panic now. I'm going to wait until the doctor becomes concerned and then I will concern myself.

I also started back to the gym this week. I have a new irrational fear: falling on the treadmill. I've never fell on the treadmill but now I'm afraid that I'm going to fall. I am taking it slow and walking a mile on the track. It's getting my blood pumping and actually helps me sleep a little bit better. It gets me off the couch or bed and is going to help make this pregnancy a healthy and safe one.

For now, that's really it. It's been a good week. We had a nice relaxing weekend that included a mini reunion at the Pitt 8 Tournament. I love seeing people that I haven't seen in a while. I'm really proud to say that I'm from Kiowa and an alumni of Kiowa High School. I've learned so much from that small school that has stuck with me all those years. Yes, I made mistakes, but I also made lifetime friends. It's wonderful to see people after months or even years and still feel the love you had for them all those years ago. It's something special that cannot be replaced.

So, just keep continuing to pray for all three of us. We always welcome prayers.

Thank you for your support, prayers, friendship and love. You all mean so much to us! All three of us!

Moments with the Mullers: I know it's way past Tuesday but here's an update

Moments with the Mullers: I know it's way past Tuesday but here's an update: I know it's not Tuesday and that I update on Tuesday, but this week has been CHAOS so this is literally the only time I've had with ...

I know it's way past Tuesday but here's an update

I know it's not Tuesday and that I update on Tuesday, but this week has been CHAOS so this is literally the only time I've had with my laptop.

So, the main thing this week was our first meeting with our OB, Dr. Henslee. I really do like him. I also know that is important. He immediately addressed my questions and got down to business. OB business, BTW, is not fun business. No one like to be naked from the waist down with their legs in the stirrups. The next six months of this is not something I nor my husband is looking forward to.

First question on the agenda, my girdles. With all of the extra skin I have lagging around, I've been wearing girdles, the kind with metal boning. Johnathan, my sweet husband, insists I don't need to wear them because I beautiful but I NEED them to feel less disgusting. I know it's vain but we discussed this last week, self image is important to me. Anyways, he said I can wear them as long as I can stand them. I've been having some rib pain and that is likely the culprit in this case. So case closed on this mystery. I'm going to wear them until they hurt.... which started Thursday night. Here's my official decision. I will continue to wear them to work or church or special occasions and that is it. Thursday night during class, I was hurting pretty badly. I was so thankful we got out a little early. So, if you see me at WalMart and I'm not looking as svelte as someone who went from a size 28 to a size 12, let's not make a big deal out of it. I know you are saying to yourself "I wouldn't dare!" But you'd be surprised how much I hear "You look like you aren't feeling well." "Your face is a little puffy." "How much weight have you gained?" The answer to that question, BTW, is -2 and is the RUDEST question you could EVER ask ANYONE much less a pregnant girl.

Second question, C-Section or Natural Birth..... He, of course, asked me why on earth I would ask that question. So, let me just back up a little. 5 years and 4 months ago when we decided it was time to start trying, we met with a doctor. This doctor of course put me in the stirrups and got a good look and then stated, "I'm glad I'm not delivering you. Never in a MILLION years would allow you to have a baby naturally. C-Section city for you." This has been burned into my brain for the last five years. Dr. Reshef, which you all know his opinion I HIGHLY value, stated that he didn't see a problem but wouldn't be delivering me and that would be his or her decision. Not much comfort there. Then, of course, we had the bariatric surgeon who said with the cuts into the stomach, that my stomach muscles may or may not be strong enough for the intense pushing that labor requires. I poured the poor man with all of these stories who simply smiled and said let's take a look. So, back into the stirrups I go. I should be use to this because it's been my life for the last 5.4 years. So, he emerged, smiled and said "I don't see any problems. Unless your surgery messed with your uterus which is highly unlikely, we can do this naturally." I honestly felt like the last five years had been a lie. While he couldn't guarantee that a C-Section is off the table, he is optimistic. He ordered a lab and had me set an appointment for a month from Monday which is February 16th. Next ultrasound will be around 20 weeks at which time we will find out if we are having a Princess or a Deere.

So, where does that me? This week I've been feeling scared. Scared is the word. I've never had to face the fear of what is coming with labor because I've always been led to believe that I would have a C-Section. I will be honest. I've never been more scared of ANYTHING in my life. I know women have babies every day and survive. It's not that. I know I will survive the labor but I'm still scared. I'm scared I'm going to be one of those screaming, raving, lunatics in the labor room. I'm scared I'm going to give up half way through. I'm scared I won't be able to take it. I know these are normal feelings and I have six months to mentally and physically prepare but suddenly, that's not enough time.

I'm also scared about the logistics that a new baby brings. Childcare. What are we going to do? How are we going to do it. Daycare or family? How much is a good deal for what you pay? Have you read the news lately? Babysitters putting bruises on babies and daycare fraud. IT IS FREAKING ME OUT!

Next level of anxiety. Am I going to be good at this? We've been running and going and doing what we want for the last almost six years. We sleep when we want. Eat when we want. Go when we want. Buy when we want. I'm worried I won't be a good mother because I've been able to focus on myself and Johnathan for the last six years. The books all say this a normal anxiety but honestly, sometimes, this worry keeps me awake at night. I've wanted it for sooooo long. I've wanted this baby for soooo long and now I'm scared that I won't be good to this baby or deserve this baby.

The biggest anxiety issue that I have now comes from every little things that I feel. I've Googled "What does a miscarriage feel like" so many times that Gooogle recognizes what I'm going to type before I type it. Every little quick or ache or pain and I run right to Google. Last night, I had some extreme toe cramps. It's normal for pregnant women to have leg and foot cramps. But, no joke, I run to Google for every little ache. It freaks me out. I am so on edge about a miscarriage that I'm literally counting down the hours to 12 weeks (which will be Monday) and then again to 16 weeks. Again, I've wanted this so badly that I'm so afraid of losing this baby. I know this is normal and I know my change for miscarriage dramactically changed when I saw and then heard Poppyseed's heartbeat, but it doesn't relieve my fears.

You know what helps? Rubbing my belly. No, I'm not showing but just knowing that there is a little poppyseed growing in there makes me smile and makes my fear melt away for a few minutes. Shopping for the baby. We've bought several onesies and diapers and a co-sleeper for the camper. Only six months and this baby will be here and I can kiss the little face and tickle the toes. I also talk to the baby. I know the baby can't hear and that I may or may not look crazy doing it, but I LOVE this baby. I want this baby to know how much I love this baby. That's why we email the baby once a week. You can email the baby too by the way. The email is muller.popppyseed@gmail.com

Probably my favorite thing, is watching Johnathan. He is so excited. People tell me all the time that he shows off the videos and pictures to everyone who will sit still. He is involved in this pregnancy just as much as I am. He may not be the one growing the baby, but he is just as involved as I am. He shops around for stuff too. He talks to the baby and rubs my belly. I am one blessed woman to have a life-partner and husband like he is. He is supportive and loves the both us so much. He sits up with me at night when I can't sleep and assures me that I'm going to be a good mother and that God will provide for all three of us. He always has and always will. This is why I'm blessed because I have a God-fearing Christian husband who loves me and this baby so much that he masks his own fears for mine.

So, for your update on Poppyseed. We are officially 11 weeks. He or she is the size of a lime. I even went to the limes at WalMart and picked one up and almost bought it to just hold for a while. Poppyseed is looking more like a baby even though the skin is see through. Fingers and toes aren't webbed and we have hair follicles and nail beds that are forming. Poppyseed is growing and looking pretty good!

The Bump (.com) tells me now is the time to plan a babymoon and that I've been trying to do. I'm working with family members who won't make up their mind on what they want to do. We are looking at May because it will be warm but not too warm or cold. We are thinking St. Louis for a family trip. However, if those members of the family don't make up their mind soon, we are going to make our plans that may or may not involve a passport. I found a wonderful cruise that starts in Venice and goes through the Greek Isles. It's a great deal (less than $800 a person); however, the flights are close to $3K. So, unless someone knows a great deal on flights to and from Italy, that's out. But, I also found a great resort in Mexico. So, we are definitely looking to take a good babymoon.

So, I know I've gone off on a few tangents. I've got ALOT on my mind. So I'm asking for prayers of just peace so that I can enjoy this pregnancy whole heartedly. Please don't misunderstand I am blissfully happy which just means that I have more to lose. And continue to pray that Poppyseed continues to grow and stay healthy.