My day started at 2:30 a.m. Probably from stress and worry about the doctor's appointment, I woke up with a stomach ache at 2:30 a.m. I hate waking up like that. I've come to learn, however; that is the most perfect time to commune with God. After all He is the great Comforter right? Finally after begging forgiveness for all of my sins, pleading with God for good news, and praising God for just about anything I could think of at 2:30 a.m., I was able to return to sleep at 3:30 a.m.
The alarm clock went off at 5:30 a.m., I pleaded with Johnathan to go ahead and shower so that I could have 10 more minutes. :) I can't help it: I'm not a morning person. We officially hit the road at 6:30 a.m. I am so very blessed to have a husband that drives me everywhere and allows me to sleep. True, he understood I am exhausted, but so is he at time. Johnathan Paul Muller is the very best husband a girl could ever ask for. When I dreamed of prince charming when I was little, he didn't come near Johnathan Muller. I love him so very much and he truly is a gift from God.
Now, on the news everyone is on the edge of his or her seat for....No, I am not pregnant. :) But YES! I did ovulate! ON MY OWN! NO CLOMID!!! It is truly a miracle! Alsooooooo, remember when I was whining and fretting about the surgery to remove my lining! I was at a 26 which is 5 times the normal lining! Today I was at a 6! 6! One point above normal and my cycle is still going!!!! Another miracle!!! Want another miracle?!?! I am at the smallest weight of my whole time with Dr. Reshef! I even lost 1.2 pounds since Sunday!! It has been a miraculous day!!! Dr. Reshef could not have praised me more for all of my weight loss and excercise efforts! It's not me that's doing it, but God that is pulling me through this very difficult patch in my life!
The next question is well then what next? What is next is I start another round of Clomid tonight. It is the dose I was supposed to take back in October that I was too scared to take. I am going to continue to temperature chart and ovulation test. I have to go back on December 19 for an ultrasound of my follicles. I am also going to continue the Weight Watchers and water aerobics and treadmill. Most importantly, I am going to continue to praise God for all of the wonderful things tonight.
Here are just a few:
"O my strength, I will sing praises to You; for God is my stronghold, the God who shows me lovingkindness" Psalm 59:17 -- Thank you God for being my strength not only today, but for everyday in every way and situation! Thank you for your love and kindness and grace. You are an amazing God!
"I will praise the name of God with song and magnify Him with thanksgiving" -- Thank you God for an amazing husband, family, church family, coworkers, friends, nurse and physician. These people are truly blessings to me and my family!
"But as for me, I will hope continually, and will praise You yet more and more" Psalms 74:14 -- I will hope continually, because that is all there is to do. Hope and You, O God have given me such an abudance of hope.
"O sing to the LORD a new song, for He has done wonderful things, His right hand and His holy arm have gained the victory for Him" Psalms 98:1 -- Thank you God for the wonderful things you have done for me today. Remind me of this new song that you have given me today.
If you get one thing from this blog, I hope you get the praise and exaltation that I have for God and I hope you can see Him working through me even through these trials! I hope you can see Him working through me and hope you can see His love and mercy that is for you as well.
We still need encouragement as I am about to go and take the Clomid and we all know it doesn't make me nicer :). We need prayer as well.
Thank you all so very much for all your love and support and know that your love is returned sevenfold!
God Bless!
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
Monday, November 14, 2011
Mission NOT Impossible!
After last blog's boo hoo session (which I'm not going to promise is the last), I really got some inspiration and drive. So today, I started back on weight watchers! After saving up mega points to go out to eat at an Italian restaurant with Johnathan and his family, I still have three points left over! I'm pretty excited for myself.
I know that I said that Johnathan and I were going to go to the gym at 5:30 a.m., but when that alarm when off I just couldn't get up. No worries! We made back from Atoka in time to make it to the gym for a work out. I walked on the treadmill for 25 minutes, did a half mile around the track (running one of those laps), and 2 minutes on the elliptical. Two minutes on that machine (that I'm sure was fashioned in hell) is all that I can handle! lol! I even walked with some 2lbs weights. My arms around my elbows are KILLING me!!! LOL! But I feel great! I took 2 Ibuprofen to help me feel not so sore in the morning, but right now I feel great.
I feel like I can do this! I can get in shape and lose 10% of my weight to ovulate! I'm going to keep this up for a month to make sure I don't cycle and then take the Clomid and pray pray pray pray that it works. I can do this. It's not mission impossible!
While we are working on shaping up our physical bodies, we are also working on shaping up our spiritual bodies. Every morning, Johnathan and I have been doing a Bible study together. We believe it is important as a married couple to go to God together in the mornings. It is also helping our marriage grow!
This morning our devotional spoke to me specifically. The book is 365 Devotions put together by Gary Allen. The Title this morning was Learning to Trust God's Timing. Scripture was Psalm 90:1-12. He says, "I've learned that waiting is a part of life, especially in my walk with God. I have to remind myself often that God does not work according to my schedule. Nor does He count the days the way I do. What seems like a long period of time for me is merely perfect timing with God." I need to remind myself of this daily. Though I may be counting every 30 days (a cycle) God's not counting like I am; He has His own perfect timetable that is perfect for my time and a time to bless me with a baby.
So tomorrow it starts all over. Weight Watchers and gym. I mean it's not killing me, and in the long run, with make me healthier!
So, for now, I am going to pray that I'm not so sore in the morning (lol) and pray that God helps me keep my faith in check!
Thank you all for support. Nothing means more to me than prayers, kind words, and support!
Love you all!
I know that I said that Johnathan and I were going to go to the gym at 5:30 a.m., but when that alarm when off I just couldn't get up. No worries! We made back from Atoka in time to make it to the gym for a work out. I walked on the treadmill for 25 minutes, did a half mile around the track (running one of those laps), and 2 minutes on the elliptical. Two minutes on that machine (that I'm sure was fashioned in hell) is all that I can handle! lol! I even walked with some 2lbs weights. My arms around my elbows are KILLING me!!! LOL! But I feel great! I took 2 Ibuprofen to help me feel not so sore in the morning, but right now I feel great.
I feel like I can do this! I can get in shape and lose 10% of my weight to ovulate! I'm going to keep this up for a month to make sure I don't cycle and then take the Clomid and pray pray pray pray that it works. I can do this. It's not mission impossible!
While we are working on shaping up our physical bodies, we are also working on shaping up our spiritual bodies. Every morning, Johnathan and I have been doing a Bible study together. We believe it is important as a married couple to go to God together in the mornings. It is also helping our marriage grow!
This morning our devotional spoke to me specifically. The book is 365 Devotions put together by Gary Allen. The Title this morning was Learning to Trust God's Timing. Scripture was Psalm 90:1-12. He says, "I've learned that waiting is a part of life, especially in my walk with God. I have to remind myself often that God does not work according to my schedule. Nor does He count the days the way I do. What seems like a long period of time for me is merely perfect timing with God." I need to remind myself of this daily. Though I may be counting every 30 days (a cycle) God's not counting like I am; He has His own perfect timetable that is perfect for my time and a time to bless me with a baby.
So tomorrow it starts all over. Weight Watchers and gym. I mean it's not killing me, and in the long run, with make me healthier!
So, for now, I am going to pray that I'm not so sore in the morning (lol) and pray that God helps me keep my faith in check!
Thank you all for support. Nothing means more to me than prayers, kind words, and support!
Love you all!
Friday, November 4, 2011
Just to calm everybody's fears......
So, on November 2nd I had decided to play the whole "Name something that you're thankful for for each day until Thanksgiving." I missed day one. So on Day #2 I posted, "I'm late, but it's whatev's." Unbeknownst to me, this caused a sense of mass confusion and I received a flurry of text messages, facebook messages and phone calls asking if I had any news I would like to share. So, let me clear....I am not pregnant.
To be honest, the medicine I filled back in September is staring at me in face right now. It's on our speaker where it has sat since the prescription has been filled.
I am scared. I'm not too proud to admit it. I am terrified that it will not work. I want this so badly that I don't want to screw this up. I used to think I was so strong. That I could handle anything. Boy, was I wrong. This is extremely hard. It is so hard to look at those pills and be too afraid to take them. I can't explain it and I pray that none of you have to feel this.
Yesterday, I thought I had started my cycle, but it was cruel joke that my body played on me. Hence the reason why I'm blogging. It is so very hard to be able to talk about it with any one. Even Johnathan. I usually end up bawling and getting out some unrecognizable words. With writing this blog, I can get it all it and feel like a ton of weight is lifted off of my shoulders.
I have some decisions to make. I mean, we (Johnathan and I) have some decisions to make.
#1. We have to start exercising. I say we because I need someone to be there with me to motivate me and to tell me I doing good. I want to join the gym, but I am soooo embarrassed because I had been a member of the Wellness Center and we gave that up. I am not a quitter, but I feel like it now. I also worry that people are watching me and judging. I know I shouldn't worry about what people think, but I do. I can't help.
#2. We need to eat better. Again, I say we because there's no way I can enjoy a salad while Johnathan eats a hamburger and fries. This is going to be a tough one because of Thanksgiving and Christmas. But I have to do this right???? Not just for me to get pregnant but for me to stay healthy for when I do and to stay healthy for my future children.
#3. I have to take to those pills. Even if it's just to get it over with.
#4. We have to decide our next step after the pills.
This is so hard and I really do need some help. I need prayers and some good sage advice. I need encouragement. I need strength. I know most of my strength comes from God and I do believe he provides me with strength but there are some days when i can barely make it through the day. So please send me your encouragements, prayers, advice, or anything. You can text me or message me or whatever.
For right now, I am dwelling on Psalm 121:
"I lift up my eyes to the mountains—
where does my help come from?
2 My help comes from the LORD,
the Maker of heaven and earth.
3 He will not let your foot slip—
he who watches over you will not slumber;
4 indeed, he who watches over Israel
will neither slumber nor sleep.
5 The LORD watches over you—
the LORD is your shade at your right hand;
6 the sun will not harm you by day,
nor the moon by night.
7 The LORD will keep you from all harm—
he will watch over your life;
8 the LORD will watch over your coming and going
both now and forevermore. "
Again, I thank you all so much for even taking the time to read this and in advance for your prayers and words of encouragement.
To be honest, the medicine I filled back in September is staring at me in face right now. It's on our speaker where it has sat since the prescription has been filled.
I am scared. I'm not too proud to admit it. I am terrified that it will not work. I want this so badly that I don't want to screw this up. I used to think I was so strong. That I could handle anything. Boy, was I wrong. This is extremely hard. It is so hard to look at those pills and be too afraid to take them. I can't explain it and I pray that none of you have to feel this.
Yesterday, I thought I had started my cycle, but it was cruel joke that my body played on me. Hence the reason why I'm blogging. It is so very hard to be able to talk about it with any one. Even Johnathan. I usually end up bawling and getting out some unrecognizable words. With writing this blog, I can get it all it and feel like a ton of weight is lifted off of my shoulders.
I have some decisions to make. I mean, we (Johnathan and I) have some decisions to make.
#1. We have to start exercising. I say we because I need someone to be there with me to motivate me and to tell me I doing good. I want to join the gym, but I am soooo embarrassed because I had been a member of the Wellness Center and we gave that up. I am not a quitter, but I feel like it now. I also worry that people are watching me and judging. I know I shouldn't worry about what people think, but I do. I can't help.
#2. We need to eat better. Again, I say we because there's no way I can enjoy a salad while Johnathan eats a hamburger and fries. This is going to be a tough one because of Thanksgiving and Christmas. But I have to do this right???? Not just for me to get pregnant but for me to stay healthy for when I do and to stay healthy for my future children.
#3. I have to take to those pills. Even if it's just to get it over with.
#4. We have to decide our next step after the pills.
This is so hard and I really do need some help. I need prayers and some good sage advice. I need encouragement. I need strength. I know most of my strength comes from God and I do believe he provides me with strength but there are some days when i can barely make it through the day. So please send me your encouragements, prayers, advice, or anything. You can text me or message me or whatever.
For right now, I am dwelling on Psalm 121:
"I lift up my eyes to the mountains—
where does my help come from?
2 My help comes from the LORD,
the Maker of heaven and earth.
3 He will not let your foot slip—
he who watches over you will not slumber;
4 indeed, he who watches over Israel
will neither slumber nor sleep.
5 The LORD watches over you—
the LORD is your shade at your right hand;
6 the sun will not harm you by day,
nor the moon by night.
7 The LORD will keep you from all harm—
he will watch over your life;
8 the LORD will watch over your coming and going
both now and forevermore. "
Again, I thank you all so much for even taking the time to read this and in advance for your prayers and words of encouragement.
In the meantime, I would like to wish you an advance Happy Thanksgiving to you and your family.
Thank you. We love you. And God Bless you all!
Monday, September 26, 2011
How do you fix a broken record?
Yes, it is time for another doctor update! I can feel your excitement...
Well since last blog, I should have started my cycle. I was prescribed Prometrium to start my cycle. This stuff usually works miracles; however, this time, it did nothing at all. So I called Beverly who told me to wait a week. Last Thursday, was that week. I called and left a message. As usual, Beverly, calls me right back. She tells me that Dr. Reshef wants me to come and let him take a look at things. I choke through setting up an appointment. I'm at work and trying my hardest not to cry. Then, the lullaby they play when a baby is born plays and I lose it. I have some great friends at work, especially, Jeri Santine and Stephanie Shepphard and let me cry it out on their shoulders. I was ready to give it up. Sometimes, this inferitlity thing is so very hard. I have a hard time and I am starting to loose sleep. I didn't tell Dr. Reshef this or Beverly. I should have though.....
Anyways, I got through work and then came home. I went to take Johnathan dinner at work and when I went to leave, my Trailblazer wouldn't start. Another 20 minute meltdown...... I am lucky to have a husband that loves me and is always there for me. It's just so hard to keep going and get the same results. Like a broken record. To make me feel better, Friday night he took me on a date night to help keep my chin up. I have to admit it worked. I felt adored and wanted and not so empty. I have one amazing husband.
So this morning, we headed up to OKC. I've been reading The Hunger Games series and I'm on the last one "Mockingjay." The book helped keep my mind off of things. I love my doctor and his nurse, but I hate these visits. I hate the ultrasounds. They are not the most comfortable and almost the whole time I am with the doctor, I am half naked. Needless to say, my mind is almost never on the subject. Today the office was really cold....I couldn't wait to get out of there.
Anyways, I got the same results....lining is still thick and no signs of ovulation. I can't even describe to you what I felt....disappointed, empty, un-womanlike, deformed, ugly... His plan is to try ONE more time; this time doing something is rarely does which is to up my does of Clomid one last time and we can try again to ovulate. If this does not work, I have three options.
Option #1: Have surgery to scrape the lining. This will also help prevent uterian cancer later on down the line; however, it may or may not help me to ovulate.
Option #2: The fertility shots. He said out of pocket, these shots can cost up to $2000 a month.
Option #3: Take some time off from fertility therapy and focus on weight loss and excercise. Beverly said as little as 30 or 40 pounds can make a difference.
I really had to work to not cry in front of them. It's really hard to stay strong in the moments like this. The only way I can stay strong is through God. So I just smiled and said I would do my best and then we left. In the car, I cried silently while Johnathan asked me what I wanted to do. The truth is I don't know. I know we can't afford the fertility shots, and I'm not too keen on surgery or extreme weight loss measures. So for now, I am just going to continue with Weight Watchers and maybe buy a treadmill and try that out and take the Clomid and PRAY that God will let me ovulate and become pregnant.
Hannah prayed for God to remember her. I pray that all the time for God to please remember me when he is giving out the gift of life every day. It's hard. I can understand how Hannah prayed so hard that Eli thought that she was drunk. But, honestly, prayer and God is really my only hope and it's the kind of hope that is promised which is that God will hear my prayers. He may not answer them as fast as I want Him to, but I know he hears them.
Well, that's all I got for now. Johnathan and I appreciate your prayers and support and we really hope that those who are experiencing the same things are gaining the information she needs and maybe even givng you a little confidence. We may not know who all of you are, but are you are in our prayers too.
Thank you!
God bless you!
Well since last blog, I should have started my cycle. I was prescribed Prometrium to start my cycle. This stuff usually works miracles; however, this time, it did nothing at all. So I called Beverly who told me to wait a week. Last Thursday, was that week. I called and left a message. As usual, Beverly, calls me right back. She tells me that Dr. Reshef wants me to come and let him take a look at things. I choke through setting up an appointment. I'm at work and trying my hardest not to cry. Then, the lullaby they play when a baby is born plays and I lose it. I have some great friends at work, especially, Jeri Santine and Stephanie Shepphard and let me cry it out on their shoulders. I was ready to give it up. Sometimes, this inferitlity thing is so very hard. I have a hard time and I am starting to loose sleep. I didn't tell Dr. Reshef this or Beverly. I should have though.....
Anyways, I got through work and then came home. I went to take Johnathan dinner at work and when I went to leave, my Trailblazer wouldn't start. Another 20 minute meltdown...... I am lucky to have a husband that loves me and is always there for me. It's just so hard to keep going and get the same results. Like a broken record. To make me feel better, Friday night he took me on a date night to help keep my chin up. I have to admit it worked. I felt adored and wanted and not so empty. I have one amazing husband.
So this morning, we headed up to OKC. I've been reading The Hunger Games series and I'm on the last one "Mockingjay." The book helped keep my mind off of things. I love my doctor and his nurse, but I hate these visits. I hate the ultrasounds. They are not the most comfortable and almost the whole time I am with the doctor, I am half naked. Needless to say, my mind is almost never on the subject. Today the office was really cold....I couldn't wait to get out of there.
Anyways, I got the same results....lining is still thick and no signs of ovulation. I can't even describe to you what I felt....disappointed, empty, un-womanlike, deformed, ugly... His plan is to try ONE more time; this time doing something is rarely does which is to up my does of Clomid one last time and we can try again to ovulate. If this does not work, I have three options.
Option #1: Have surgery to scrape the lining. This will also help prevent uterian cancer later on down the line; however, it may or may not help me to ovulate.
Option #2: The fertility shots. He said out of pocket, these shots can cost up to $2000 a month.
Option #3: Take some time off from fertility therapy and focus on weight loss and excercise. Beverly said as little as 30 or 40 pounds can make a difference.
I really had to work to not cry in front of them. It's really hard to stay strong in the moments like this. The only way I can stay strong is through God. So I just smiled and said I would do my best and then we left. In the car, I cried silently while Johnathan asked me what I wanted to do. The truth is I don't know. I know we can't afford the fertility shots, and I'm not too keen on surgery or extreme weight loss measures. So for now, I am just going to continue with Weight Watchers and maybe buy a treadmill and try that out and take the Clomid and PRAY that God will let me ovulate and become pregnant.
Hannah prayed for God to remember her. I pray that all the time for God to please remember me when he is giving out the gift of life every day. It's hard. I can understand how Hannah prayed so hard that Eli thought that she was drunk. But, honestly, prayer and God is really my only hope and it's the kind of hope that is promised which is that God will hear my prayers. He may not answer them as fast as I want Him to, but I know he hears them.
Well, that's all I got for now. Johnathan and I appreciate your prayers and support and we really hope that those who are experiencing the same things are gaining the information she needs and maybe even givng you a little confidence. We may not know who all of you are, but are you are in our prayers too.
Thank you!
God bless you!
Thursday, September 1, 2011
My God is so BIG so STRONG and so MIGHTY there's NOTHING my God cannot do!!!
Great news friends......I got the call today about my biopsy results.....Benign!!! No signs of any cancer or pre-cancerous cells! I started cyring! I was so happy! God is so wonderful!
Beverly, our amazing nurse, delivered the wonderful news. She said she knew all along the results would turn out this way!. She said the doctor felt like this too since the lining had already thinned by 5 mm.
So, now we are back on the plan. The let's get pregnant plan. So, I refilled my Prometrium prescription that starts my cycle and she called in Clomid since it worked before. I am back on weight watchers and pre-natal vitamins! I want to start excersing again. I want this so bad! I know what I have to do to get it. Be patient, have faith, and keep trying to stay healthy. So that's just what we are going to do.
I am going to be patient and keep in mind that this is on God's time, not mine. He knows what is best for me.
I am going to have faith. I know in the bottom of my heart God has planned for me to be a mother. I just have to have faith that God will keep His promises. And He does. He always keeps His promises. He is the one thing steady in this life that does: Always.
I am going to try my best to stay healthy. I want to cut out white breads, pastas, etc.. and potatoes and refined sugar. Sticking only to complex carbs, diary, protein and fiber. I also want to start walking again. It's going to be hard, but worth it in the end. I also need to stay on my pre-natal vitamins!
I can't help but praise my Maker! The title of this blog entry is a children's song, but rings so true. My God is so BIG! More than you or I can imagine! My God is so STRONG and so MIGHTY! He's the strongest force in the whole entire universe! He can take care of anything and defeat anything. You can lean on Him for support for anything! There's NOTHING my God cannot do! How true is this? He created the world, parted the sea, had a 90 year old woman give birth....there is nothing my God cannot do....including giving me a baby against all the odds!
Thank you all so much for your prayers and for your support. You have no idea how much it means to Johnathan and I. We really appreciate all the support and prayers and kind words. They really have helped. Continue praying for us through this journey!
We love you all and God bless you!
Beverly, our amazing nurse, delivered the wonderful news. She said she knew all along the results would turn out this way!. She said the doctor felt like this too since the lining had already thinned by 5 mm.
So, now we are back on the plan. The let's get pregnant plan. So, I refilled my Prometrium prescription that starts my cycle and she called in Clomid since it worked before. I am back on weight watchers and pre-natal vitamins! I want to start excersing again. I want this so bad! I know what I have to do to get it. Be patient, have faith, and keep trying to stay healthy. So that's just what we are going to do.
I am going to be patient and keep in mind that this is on God's time, not mine. He knows what is best for me.
I am going to have faith. I know in the bottom of my heart God has planned for me to be a mother. I just have to have faith that God will keep His promises. And He does. He always keeps His promises. He is the one thing steady in this life that does: Always.
I am going to try my best to stay healthy. I want to cut out white breads, pastas, etc.. and potatoes and refined sugar. Sticking only to complex carbs, diary, protein and fiber. I also want to start walking again. It's going to be hard, but worth it in the end. I also need to stay on my pre-natal vitamins!
I can't help but praise my Maker! The title of this blog entry is a children's song, but rings so true. My God is so BIG! More than you or I can imagine! My God is so STRONG and so MIGHTY! He's the strongest force in the whole entire universe! He can take care of anything and defeat anything. You can lean on Him for support for anything! There's NOTHING my God cannot do! How true is this? He created the world, parted the sea, had a 90 year old woman give birth....there is nothing my God cannot do....including giving me a baby against all the odds!
Thank you all so much for your prayers and for your support. You have no idea how much it means to Johnathan and I. We really appreciate all the support and prayers and kind words. They really have helped. Continue praying for us through this journey!
We love you all and God bless you!
Monday, August 29, 2011
Discomfort is a doctors nice way of telling you it's going to hurt
Well, good news friends, I am home from the doctor!
The biopsy went well. It did hurt, alot, but not as bad as I had anticipated. Dr. Reshef is confident that the results will come back benign. At the most he expects to find pre-cancerous cells, but finds that very unlikely. I should know the results on Thursday or at the latest Friday. I was surprised to know it would be that soon. I thought it would take weeks.
If the results come back with findings of any pre-cancerous cells, he said we have several options, but he did not want talk about them until the results come back.
If the results come back with no abnormal findings, we will simply continue the fertility treatment. Meaning, he will restart my cycle, and start fertility medicine again. He is thinking of switching my medicine from Clomid to Femarra, but other than that the methods will pretty much be the same.
I have faith everything is going to be okay, and soon I will get to see a heartbeat on the ultrasound monitor. I know it will happen. I have faith in my God.
The lining of my uterus has actually thinned out since last month, which is a very positive thing considering I didn't cycle this month! If I had cycled, a biopsy may have not been necessary. It's proof my condition is improving.
I have to say thank you to Johnathan Paul Muller. I could not have done it today without him beside me holding my hand. He is the best husband ever. He is not only my God given partner in life, he is my best friend. He is a constant in my very stressful life. Second to God, he is the best thing in my life. I love him so much. Thank you babe, for driving me, holding my hand, and letting me rest all the way home. You are amazing.
For now, I have some "discomfort," but with a little rest, I am going to be fine. I am going to take a Tylenol pm and rest the evening away so I can be good and rested for work tomorrow.
Please continue to pray for me and I will update you with the results later this week!
Love you all and God bless!
The biopsy went well. It did hurt, alot, but not as bad as I had anticipated. Dr. Reshef is confident that the results will come back benign. At the most he expects to find pre-cancerous cells, but finds that very unlikely. I should know the results on Thursday or at the latest Friday. I was surprised to know it would be that soon. I thought it would take weeks.
If the results come back with findings of any pre-cancerous cells, he said we have several options, but he did not want talk about them until the results come back.
If the results come back with no abnormal findings, we will simply continue the fertility treatment. Meaning, he will restart my cycle, and start fertility medicine again. He is thinking of switching my medicine from Clomid to Femarra, but other than that the methods will pretty much be the same.
I have faith everything is going to be okay, and soon I will get to see a heartbeat on the ultrasound monitor. I know it will happen. I have faith in my God.
The lining of my uterus has actually thinned out since last month, which is a very positive thing considering I didn't cycle this month! If I had cycled, a biopsy may have not been necessary. It's proof my condition is improving.
I have to say thank you to Johnathan Paul Muller. I could not have done it today without him beside me holding my hand. He is the best husband ever. He is not only my God given partner in life, he is my best friend. He is a constant in my very stressful life. Second to God, he is the best thing in my life. I love him so much. Thank you babe, for driving me, holding my hand, and letting me rest all the way home. You are amazing.
For now, I have some "discomfort," but with a little rest, I am going to be fine. I am going to take a Tylenol pm and rest the evening away so I can be good and rested for work tomorrow.
Please continue to pray for me and I will update you with the results later this week!
Love you all and God bless!
Monday, August 22, 2011
Is No news really Good news?
*SPOILER: MAY CONTAIN TMI. READ AT YOUR OWN RISK*
So after a month of waiting to see if it happened again, I finally have my answer. It is possible that I did ovulate again; however very unlikely since my cycle did not start and we know for sure (3 negative pregnancy tests) that I'm not pregnant. Beverly, Dr. Reshef's AMAZING nurse, confirmed it today.
The next plan of action is to come in and have an ultrasound and to go ahead and have a biopsy. They are very concerned about the thick lining around my uterus. They are worried it is pre-cancerous. They are concerned about my health, and unless I am healthy, the possibly of a healthy pregnancy is lower. If the ultrasound shows that my lining has thinned, due to the last cycle which was 10 days, then I won't have to have a biopsy. But, if it is thick, he will do it. I am supposed to take 3 Ibuprofen before the biopsy due to some "discomfort" as she put it. So, I'm guessing there's some mild pain. Mild pain + a two and half drive = pain. Beverly suggested that I cut down on the stress. The only reply I can come up to with that is that is "easier said than done." I'm a natural stressor...and with so much going on...it's not possible to not stress....
After he gets the results back, we can come up with a plan of action to attack this infertility issue. Beverly was fairly certain we would go back to the same plan that worked in the past. I PRAY this is what he decides.
I'm not going to lie....I'm pretty worried...I'm worried it is going to hurt, but I'm also worried that maybe it's something major. I feel like my eggs aren't getting younger and I'm getting that much closer to 30. I want three kids and spread apart, I'm starting to worry that's not going to happen.
So after a month of waiting to see if it happened again, I finally have my answer. It is possible that I did ovulate again; however very unlikely since my cycle did not start and we know for sure (3 negative pregnancy tests) that I'm not pregnant. Beverly, Dr. Reshef's AMAZING nurse, confirmed it today.
The next plan of action is to come in and have an ultrasound and to go ahead and have a biopsy. They are very concerned about the thick lining around my uterus. They are worried it is pre-cancerous. They are concerned about my health, and unless I am healthy, the possibly of a healthy pregnancy is lower. If the ultrasound shows that my lining has thinned, due to the last cycle which was 10 days, then I won't have to have a biopsy. But, if it is thick, he will do it. I am supposed to take 3 Ibuprofen before the biopsy due to some "discomfort" as she put it. So, I'm guessing there's some mild pain. Mild pain + a two and half drive = pain. Beverly suggested that I cut down on the stress. The only reply I can come up to with that is that is "easier said than done." I'm a natural stressor...and with so much going on...it's not possible to not stress....
After he gets the results back, we can come up with a plan of action to attack this infertility issue. Beverly was fairly certain we would go back to the same plan that worked in the past. I PRAY this is what he decides.
I'm not going to lie....I'm pretty worried...I'm worried it is going to hurt, but I'm also worried that maybe it's something major. I feel like my eggs aren't getting younger and I'm getting that much closer to 30. I want three kids and spread apart, I'm starting to worry that's not going to happen.
I am going to ask for prayer. Pray that my uterus lining is thin and it is not pre-cancerous. Pray they find a cure for PCOS.
I wish I had some words of wisdom this time and a Bible verse. The only the thing I can think of is that some of the greatest women in the Bible experienced the same hurt and questions that I did. Sarah. Rebekah. Rachael. Hannah. Elizabeth. These are just a few. God had a promise for each one of these women and I know he has a promise for me. I just have to be patient and wait on that promise. Wait on my rainbow.
Anyways, your prayers are welcomed. Thank you all for all of your support and prayers. We appreciate every one of you and love you all so much!.
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