Just to calm everybody's fears......

So, on November 2nd I had decided to play the whole "Name something that you're thankful for for each day until Thanksgiving." I missed day one. So on Day #2 I posted, "I'm late, but it's whatev's."  Unbeknownst to me, this caused a sense of mass confusion and  I received a flurry of text messages, facebook messages and phone calls asking if I had any news I would like to share. So, let me clear....I am not pregnant.

To be honest, the medicine I filled back in September is staring at me in face right now. It's on our speaker where it has sat since the prescription has been filled.

I am scared. I'm not too proud to admit it. I am terrified that it will not work. I want this so badly that I don't want to screw this up. I used to think I was so strong. That I could handle anything. Boy, was I wrong. This is extremely hard. It is so hard to look at those pills and be too afraid to take them. I can't explain it and I pray that none of you have to feel this.

Yesterday, I thought I had started my cycle, but it was cruel joke that my body played on me. Hence the reason why I'm blogging. It is so very hard to be able to talk about it with any one. Even Johnathan. I usually end up bawling and getting out some unrecognizable words. With writing this blog, I can get it all it and feel like a ton of weight is lifted off of my shoulders.

I have some decisions to make. I mean, we (Johnathan and I) have some decisions to make.
#1. We have to start exercising. I say we because I need someone  to be there with me to motivate me and to tell me I doing good. I want to join the gym, but I am soooo embarrassed because I had been a member of the Wellness Center and we gave that up. I am not a quitter, but I feel like it now. I also worry that people are watching me and judging. I know I shouldn't worry about what people think, but I do. I can't help.
#2. We need to eat better. Again, I say we because there's no way I can enjoy a salad while Johnathan eats a hamburger and fries. This is going to be a tough one because of Thanksgiving and Christmas. But I have to do this right???? Not just for me to get pregnant but for me to stay healthy for when I do and to stay healthy for my future children.
#3. I have to take to those pills. Even if it's just to get it over with.
#4. We have to decide our next step after the pills.

This is so hard and I really do need some help. I need prayers and some good sage advice. I need encouragement. I need strength. I know most of my strength comes from God and I do believe he provides me with strength but there are some days when i can barely make it through the day. So please send me your encouragements, prayers, advice, or anything. You can text me or message me or whatever.

For right now, I am dwelling on Psalm 121:

"I lift up my eyes to the mountains—
   where does my help come from?
² My help comes from the LORD,
   the Maker of heaven and earth.
 ³ He will not let your foot slip—
   he who watches over you will not slumber;
⁴ indeed, he who watches over Israel
   will neither slumber nor sleep.
 ⁵ The LORD watches over you—
   the LORD is your shade at your right hand;
⁶ the sun will not harm you by day,
   nor the moon by night.
 ⁷ The LORD will keep you from all harm—
   he will watch over your life;
⁸ the LORD will watch over your coming and going
   both now and forevermore. "

Again, I thank you all so much for even taking the time to read this and in advance for your prayers and words of encouragement.

In the meantime, I would like to wish you an advance Happy Thanksgiving to you and your family.

Thank you. We love you. And God Bless you all!